


Boyband Existentialism

by rockthecliche



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, NewS (Band)
Genre: Friendship, Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockthecliche/pseuds/rockthecliche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because when Shige is surprised, Shige thinks. And eats a lot on the side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boyband Existentialism

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the newsficcon exchange in 2010.

It is the middle of the night. The moon is shining at its brightest, apartments across Tokyo are quiet and still, filled with dreamy sighs and deep breaths, and even the most profitable of cabaret clubs are starting to close in the metropolis' iridescent red light district; in the still hush of a city finally dwindling down to sleep, Shige is awake, sitting in his living room, deep in thought about what holds NEWS together.

They're not old but _older_ now, and in a time where boy bands just aren't cutting it anymore -- the six of them still remain as NEWS, the unit, but they're not really a _unit_. Being a unit would imply some sort of unity, but Shige hasn't seen the majority of the members for almost a year now. In fact, with the exception of Koyama, he sees the rest of them once a year like clockwork, at Countdown, and that's it. Yamapi's acting career took off, always the highly sought after actor of the group, and so he gradually became the face of many a drama and movie. Ryo still juggles both Kanjani8 and NEWS and acting, but because of Kanjani8's growing popularity due to their rock band feel, NEWS, is pretty much indefinitely, put on the back burner. Koyama graduates from hosting Shounen Club and throws himself into his newscasting gig full-time. Tegoshi and Massu probably remain the most unit-like out of all of them, carrying on activities as Tegomasu, because while boy bands aren't all that in style, two guys with lovely voices crooning about love was always acceptable (and profitable, in the endgame).

And then there's Shige, on the brink of finalizing plans for his second photography exhibition.

So, underneath the wide-reaching solo projects and the agency's insistence that they still operate under the name 'NEWS', what exactly, Shige wonders, keeps them together, if there is anything at all?

There’s no sense of an incoming epiphany, no new reason to believe that there’s something else that gives him a sense of belonging; for not the first time since NEWS’ debut, Shige goes to bed at five in the morning feeling restless, anxious, certain and uncertain, all at the same time.

 

Nothing seems to change the fact that this is real life, after all, and sometimes, the process of growing up hits him harder than he likes to admit.

It’s easy to forget that even despite growing up in the public eye, lives go on and they’re still people, through and through.

Just a week ago, Shige wouldn’t have even been thinking about boy band existentialism issues at all if it wasn’t for the fact that he got a text message from Koyama with the words, “Massu got engaged!”, and then the accompanying shock that came with it all set in, and Shige felt, in a word, betrayed. He’s pretty sure anyone would feel so if one of their best friends failed to mention something important like an engagement. And really, he has thought about sending Massu a message, asking him why he hasn’t bothered to tell him yet, but something always stops him from sending the numerous drafts he has stored on his phone to the other man. But a week’s really all he can handle as a time frame to bottle it all inside, and so he picks up his phone and dials the first person he thinks of.

 

“Massu is the last person I would have pegged to get married first, not gonna lie,” Yamapi says, chewing thoughtfully on a piece of beef. It was rare for Shige to get a chance to eat with his ever dutiful leader these days, as the more famous one got, the busier one tends to be, and so they decided on yakiniku to savor and treasure the moment. “It was always Tegoshi to me, in a shotgun wedding.”

Shige pauses momentarily to consider this and realizes that it probably isn’t that far off from what he, himself, thought. Tegoshi _is_ still the same impetuous Tegoshi, after all, and even the test of time hadn’t mellowed that aspect of him out. Tegoshi might not actually ever outgrow that part of him, Shige thinks. 

“I’m happy for him, though,” Yamapi continues, oblivious to the silence in Shige as he got lost in his thoughts. “Natsuki-chan seems like a really good fit for him.” Yamapi pauses. “Shige, your mushrooms are on fire.”

“What? Ahhh, sorry, sorry,” Shige says, snapping out of his reverie and managing to salvage the last of his pieces of mushroom before it burned to a crisp. He fishes the other ones off the grill anyway, even though they’re completely burnt, and sets them off to the side of his plate. “What were you saying?”

“Natsuki-chan. She’s a good match for him,” Yamapi says, staring at the grill as if the power of his gaze would help it cook the meat quicker. “You don’t think so?”

Did he think so? Shige carefully considers this question for a few seconds, wondering if his bewilderment at being left out was due to the fact that Shige finds it hard to trust Natsuki.

For all intents and purposes, Natsuki is a nice girl. She isn’t high maintenance, she doesn’t mind that Massu would rather shop alone, she completely respects Massu’s belongings and, as far as Shige can tell, does her best to adapt and fit alongside Massu’s hectic life rather than in it. She’s sweet and cute with a weird sense of humor and, more important than anything else – she’s good for Massu. Good enough for Massu to fall head over heels in love with her.

Shige thinks, maybe if they weren’t idols and weren’t constantly in the public eye, he wouldn’t be so wary of her. But because it doesn’t matter how much sway the agency has with the media and the public – no matter what, a scandal is a scandal, and NEWS’ formation was already rife with them. It’s been ages since that time, though, and Shige stops to think that…maybe his pent up hesitance on Natsuki in Massu’s life is just a byproduct of the ‘be good, stay out of visible trouble’ mindset instilled into them since the junior days.

“No,” Shige finally says, watching Yamapi poke at a piece of meat with his chopsticks. “She really is perfect.”

 

If there is anyone who could at least empathize with how Shige was feeling, it is always going to be Tegoshi. Just…in a different way.

“I’ve been dumped, so you’re treating, right?” Tegoshi says the moment he sits down across from Shige in a small, American-styled café around the block from the jimusho, and all of Shige’s speculation about whether or not Tegoshi will ever outgrow _himself_ is spot on – the answer is simply no, never.

At least Shige still has it in him to be surprised at how Tegoshi nailed the issue spot on. “How did you know…?”

“Yamapi called to make plans for today, but I told him I was already meeting you, and then he told me. So,” Tegoshi replies brightly, not even looking at Shige, just looking at the menu instead, flipping through it pointedly. How someone can flip through a menu pointedly Shige doesn’t know, but he just sighs as Tegoshi continues. “I must cordially and respectfully tell you that while I feel your pain, I have officially been dumped. My broken, shattered heart requires compensation, preferably in the form of a panini, cheesecake, and espresso.”

“Wait, don’t I get a say in this? I’m suffering too!” Shige splutters.

“2ch begs to differ. There hasn’t been mention of you at all, whereas I’m probably crying my eyes out and won’t be able to handle it and will, in all likelihood, object at the wedding.” Tegoshi smiles sweetly at him. “I think I win.”

And so Shige begrudgingly pays for lunch because Tegoshi is competitive in all aspects of life, and this is surely a battle he was going to win.

They speak seriously after that, as their food comes and desserts are ordered; Shige carefully tells Tegoshi about not knowing about the engagement and pegs Tegoshi with different questions, mostly to do with if he’s done anything to upset Massu recently or something of the sort. Tegoshi, as unfailingly selfish as he can be sometimes, does his best to help, but he really has no clue except that maybe Massu…just forgot.

“He forgets things all the time, you know that,” Tegoshi says. “I think you’re taking it a little too personally, Shige.”

“You say that but watch, first it’s forgetting to tell me he’s engaged, then it’s forgetting to invite me to the wedding,” Shige whines half-heartedly into his coffee.

“I think,” Tegoshi replies evenly, although the soft glare he’s shooting at Shige is suggesting something other than an even temperament. “You should probably talk to him yourself, then, instead of wasting time with everyone else trying to find answers.”

 

“Stop complaining and whining to everyone and just talk to him about it,” is the first thing that greeted Shige when he picked up the phone, seeing it was Ryo who was calling. Ryo is barking into the earpiece, crackling and static all at once, making Shige cringe. “Jesus, you academic types never have any fucking common sense, all you do is think think think.”

Shige was about to open his mouth and retort something about Ryo minding his own damn business in return, but the line had already gone dead. Shige scowls and throws his phone onto his sofa and storms straight to the kitchen, grumbling as he bangs his way around, viciously chopping vegetables and tapping his foot impatiently as he waits for water to boil.

At least dinner comes out all right.

 

He wakes up the next day at around noon with the uncertainty settling nicely in the pit of his stomach; he distractedly hopes that it’s just a passing feeling as he checks his email, skimming a few from friends to save for later, even though he’s been scolded by Koyama countless times for not being prompt in replying. He carefully reads an email from the exhibition hall, confirming the dates for his photography exhibition. There are a few more emails from his manager, but none of them have an ‘urgent’ attached to the subject, so he leaves them for later, also.

He has nothing planned for the day, just content on lazing around the apartment and not doing much; maybe catch up on the list of movies he’s wanted to watch for awhile but never had the chance to. But before he can even entertain the notion of getting the list pulled up on his laptop, his cell phone buzzes and vibrates, moving slightly next to his hand. Shige peers at the LED display on the front and is surprised to see Massu’s name next to a blinking mail envelope – a new text message. From Massu.

Without thinking much about it, Shige snatches his phone up in his hand and flips it open.

_”Finished work for the day already – was in the area. Are you busy? Let’s get lunch!”_

And as much as Shige wants to say no, he never was the type to. Least of all to Massu.

 

“Yo, long time no see!” Massu greets him, bright as ever. Shige can’t help but smile back; it’s a little reassuring to know that even after all these years together, Massu’s ability to constantly smile from the heart never waned.

“Right back at you,” Shige replies, settling into his seat across from the other man. “How have you been?”

“Surprisingly not busy!” Massu says, shrugging a little bit. “Tegoshi and I are wrapping up promotions for the single, and then, you know, just wedding stuff. Natsuki and I keep fighting about the colors we want to use, but it’s silly, isn’t it? The wedding is like, seven months away or something.”

And the nonchalance in which Massu says this, like he didn’t completely fail to mention to Shige that he was engaged and _getting married_ …well. It just seems ridiculous.

“Speaking of which, when were you going to tell me about this engagement of yours? You even told _Ryo_ and not me!” Shige says before he can stop himself, frowning deeply. However, the bewildered look on Massu’s face wasn’t exactly what he imagined his reaction to be.

“Wait, but,” Massu supplies, pure confusion lacing his voice, almost enough to make Shige feel guilty. “I sent you an email about it!”

“You definitely did not,” Shige replies calmly.

“No, I really did, I sent one to all of you, but I even sent yours _first_! Here, wait, I can prove it to you,” Massu says, digging into his pocket and pulling out his iPhone. Shige idly wonders when Massu even started using an iPhone, as it just seems to clash with the other man’s aura, but snaps out of it when the object in question is thrust into his face.

“Look, I sent you this email, two weeks ago,” Massu says, and when Shige takes a closer look, he sees the email in question. An email Shige does, in fact, remember receiving two weeks ago, but Shige is absolutely positive he sent a response back, and there is no way he would have considered ignoring something so important.

“Wait, I replied to this, didn’t I?” Shige asks, just to make absolutely sure. Massu brings his phone towards him, fingers tapping this and that, and then nods.

“Yeah, a few days later. You didn’t say anything about it, though, so I thought you were just…surprised or something.” Massu says. He holds his phone out to Shige. “You can even check it, if you want. But I definitely emailed you.”

As Shige checks through the mail he sent back to Massu, obsessively thinking back to his email reply and what it says, he hears the other man cough and clear his throat a little. Shige looks up to find Massu looking…nervous.

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Massu says, tearing the corner of his paper napkin into a few shreds, a nervous tic that Massu never did get rid of. Shige puts the phone down, slides it back to Massu, thinking it’s not as important right now.

“What is it?”

“See,” Massu starts, lifting his head to look at Shige. “I was just…wondering. And it’s okay if you don’t want to, since it might be high profile or something, but do you want to be oneofmygroomsmen?” Massu finishes, the last part in one, giant whoosh of breath.

And, with Massu, Shige could never find it in himself to ever say no. The only difference is that this time, he didn’t want to.

Shige goes home after their dinner feeling a lot better than he has in days – no, even months, but the first thing he does is check his email from two weeks ago. He finds the email that Massu sent him and rereads it and doesn’t find anything. Then rereads it again and still nothing. But on the third try, he sees it, right at the bottom; a silly, tiny little postscript that Shige was certain wasn’t even there when he replied.

He sends Massu a text message claiming that his missing it isn’t his fault, it was too small and no one would’ve found it, not just him, and all Massu sends back is a small victory sign emoji.

 

“So you bothered _everyone_ about it?” Koyama asks, laughing gleefully as he and Shige diligently work together to wash dishes from their dinner at Shige’s apartment. “Leave for two weeks for work and I miss everything!”

“Shut up, it’s not like you were of any help, being out of the country!” Shige retorts, scrubbing at a nonexistent speck on the plate he was currently washing. “Besides, you know that if you _were_ here, you would have been the first one I called.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Koyama beams, wiping at the dish in his hands smoothly, inspecting it one last time for any missed grime, then putting it in the cabinet. “I apologize for leaving when you just so happened to have a mild panic episode. Though Ryo told me even he called you to yell at you.” Koyama shuts the cabinet door and tosses the rag onto the counter top, then turns to face Shige. “I think you had everyone worried.”

“…I guess I did kind of freak out for no reason.” Shige says, thinking about it a little.

“Maybe you’ll learn something from this!” Koyama brightly counters, walking around Shige to reach into the fridge for a bottle of tea. Shige follows the other wordlessly into the living room and they turn on the TV, deciding to watch some mindless variety show for the next half hour.

Maybe, Shige thinks to himself, he’ll learn that all his speculation about NEWS being a non-unit was really pointless, and maybe even a little hurtful should the others find out the depth of his thoughts, especially considering how busy they all are and how they’re never usually in the same place. And maybe he shouldn’t psych himself out over the what ifs because all it did for him was make him gain a little weight, considering every time he met up with one of the other members of NEWS, they went for a meal of some kind – except for Ryo, but Shige has a feeling that if they had decided to meet during that time, they probably would have gone for ramen.

Or maybe it’s something simpler, something like Shige learning how to read his emails and reply promptly, like Koyama always scolds him to.

If this is the lesson, though, Shige would keep it to himself, because he is damn well positive that none of them would ever let him live this down.


End file.
